NO LONGER ANONYMOUS

Coworker: “…but you don’t look like an addict!”

Me: “What exactly do you think an addict looks like?”

Coworker: “Well…I don’t know I just didn’t think an addict, even if in recovery, would be able to work alongside me…you know?”

I remember when I would do everything in my power to avoid conversations that had a potential for me to disclose that I was in recovery from substance abuse disorder.

At some point, I believe I was in my 5th year of recovery, I realized & accepted me. This sounds weird, but avoiding disclosure to parts of myself never sat right with me. It instilled in me that I should be ashamed of those parts, which did nothing for my self-esteem. Shocker, I know. This was right around the time I was fully committed to finding the right treatment for my bipolar disorder diagnosis, but that’s a whole other story.

Anyway, this realization & acceptance unleashed confidence within myself I never could have imagined. I was so worried about my own shame for past poor choices that I did not dare take on outsiders shame as well. That’s just it though...outsider’s opinions would never compare to my own guilt and frankly are not any of my business. You see, being in recovery from substance abuse disorder and diagnosed with bipolar disorder has influenced the shaping of the person that is ”blogging” here today and I literally would not want to be anyone else. Shocking right?

I may not understand my journey or the trauma I’ve been through, but I endured things to be who I am today & I love me. That’s literally coming from the once upon a time 11 year old girl self-harming just to get the intrusive suicidal thoughts to end. You see, that little girl is very much a part of the woman that stands before you & I love her.

Clearly my change of thinking here took lots of time and endless therapy. I wish it didn’t, but it did. That’s why I will never hide parts of myself. Every part of me matters because it makes me who I am & I promise to always write from a real, honest, and raw perspective.

So that coworker conversation I once dreaded & ironically frequently have is always an educational opportunity for me. I may not be able to change the world here, but no longer remaining anonymous is my way of helping to end the stigma surrounding mental health and substance abuse disorder.

If you found me…I’m assuming you can relate to me in some way. I hope I remain relatable and can help you along your own journey…whatever that may be.

& I want to remind you that even if you don’t see or feel it, you are strong. & remember to be kind to yourself because there is no manual to life…mistakes and failures are going to happen. After-all, we are only humans.